


I've lost my love for you

by Raven_Lycan0410



Category: Glee
Genre: BAMF Santana Lopez, Bullying, Dancing, F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempts, M/M, Rich Character, Santana Lopez-OMC friendship, Suicidal Thoughts, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unrequited Love, fashion - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:20:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24271990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raven_Lycan0410/pseuds/Raven_Lycan0410
Summary: The tale of a young boy finding love, losing love, and being loved. While simultaneously wondering why everyone around him routinely breaks into song for no apparent reason.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Kurt Hummel/Original Male Character (One-sided), Rachel Berry/Finn Hudson, Sebastian Smythe/Original Male Character(s)
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

About Damian Lycan.

Age: 17

Height: 5ft 6inches

Looks: Died black hair with white highlights that reaches the top of his shoulders and is either left loose or pulled into a messy bun with stray locks falling over his face . Purple eyes. Pale skin, high cheekbones, lithe body. Cupid bow lips, straight nose and, pierced ears. 

Family: Mother: Raven Lycan

Father: Benjamin Lycan

No siblings.

Grandfather: Lucian Lycan

Bio: Damian is the only child of a prestigious family. His parents inherited a lot of money from his maternal Grandmother and started the family fashion business. They moved from England to Ohio to give their son a relatively normal childhood.  They started programs for kids and young adults in Lima where they moved, pouring money into local businesses to keep them afloat. They are regarded as heroes to the people. 

Damian has been openly gay since he was eight. He hardly saw his parents growing up because they were so busy with the town and their business, so he spent most of his time with Nannies and his Paternal Grandfather, learning art, music, dance, and drama. He learned to design clothes from copying his mother’s designs and after she saw some of his originals became responsible for the family's newest and most successful collection for which his mother gave him all credit. He took an interest in photography and modeling also. 

He met Kurt when he was ten after his Grandfather took him to Kurt’s father’s mechanics to see how to fix up a car. He developed a crush on Kurt when they met, telling his Grandfather he was ‘cute’. He has never told  him , but they are best friends. 

Damian can be brash and cold at times. Often hostile when confronted by his character flaws. He is vain and has a short temper that flares at random times for no real reason. He has a rivalry with Rachel Berry when she beat him for a musical part in middle school. 

To get over his feelings for Kurt Damian dated a boy called James and they were very good together, but James was diagnosed with leukemia and died when they were fourteen, despite having the best medical care that Damian’s parents provided. This experience scarred Damian deeply and he hasn’t had a relationship since, though he still harbors romantic feelings for  Kurt , and he isn’t short of one-night hook-ups . He is also religious despite his sexuality. He often visits the local gospel church with his Grandfather as he believes it’s the closest church/religious sector that matches his views on God. 

He’s very generous though. Often giving away his clothes or money to friends or homeless shelters in a misguided attempt to make people like him as he thinks that’s what his parents  do , and people love them.


	2. Chapter 2

Damian is startled awake by something crushing him into his mattress. Groaning he rolls to the side, depositing the load onto the floor and pulling his covers over his head to block out the light from the window. 

“Damian! Get up or you’ll be late for school,” Damian sighs at Kurt’s voice. He pokes his head out of the blanket and looks at the clock before turning sleepy amethyst eyes on his friend. 

“Kurt, it’s six-thirty. I won’t be late.  I’ll be so early the school isn’t even open yet,”

“Well with how long you take to get ready you could be late,” Kurt sassed, pulling at the blanket again. Damian gripped it tight and fought the tyrant but lost when Kurt poked at his sides. “There, now up!” he commanded before walking into Damian’s closet. 

“Don’t touch my stuff!” Damian called from the bed. Now too awake to try to go back to sleep. Sitting up he stretches before slipping off the bed and following Kurt. He watches his best  friend riffle through his many clothes, alternating between looking at him and the racks. Eventually, he settles on a dark blue, light sweater over a grey t-shirt and faded grey jeans. 

“Here, now shower and make it snappy Prima Donna,” Kurt shoos him away with the clothes and Damian heads to his en-suite bathroom for a shower. He spends fifteen minutes under the water, scrubbing his skin clean and raw. He styles his hair into slightly curled waves that frame his face, applied a light layer of makeup, just to accentuate his eyes and cheekbones. He packed his bag and left it by the stairs ready to grab when they leave. He walks into the kitchen to find Kurt being  pl i ed with food from the family cook Bertha. 

“Much too skinny. What is wrong with youth these days, a strong wind could carry you away,” she scolds him. Her Hungarian accent thick with disapproval as she piles pancakes, bacon, and eggs onto Kurt’s plate despite his protests. 

“Give it up Kurt. Her Ladyship will not be denied,” Damian teases, pressing a kiss to Bertha’s cheek who swipes at him with the spatula in her hand.  He ducks back and grabs his plate of food. Sitting beside Kurt he eats slowly, savoring the flavors, Kurt eventually subsided and accepted breakfast from Bertha who nodded and cleaned up in smug satisfaction. 

They spent the rest of the time watching TV and hanging out.

At eight they piled into Damian’s car and drove to school, Kurt singing along with the radio as they went. At Damian’s locker he pulled out his Spanish book and stuffed it into his backpack, he closed the door and was immediately assaulted by Kurt who grabbed his arm and  sque a led quietly. 

“OMG, you won’t believe it! Mr . Schu e ster is starting a Glee club! I can’t wait, auditions are after school and I signed us up,” he gushed. Damian felt himself blush at the proximity of his friend until he heard what he said. 

“Wait what? What do you mean signed us both up? Kurt, you can’t do that! I don’t want to be in Glee club,” he exclaimed. Stopping the pair on their way to class, Kurt huffed and looked at Damian with a pout.

“Please, Damian! It’ll be fun, and you do enjoy that kind of thing. Please? For me?” There were times that Damian thought Kurt knew of his feeling towards him and used it to get his way as Damian was incapable of saying no to the other boy. 

“...Fine,” he sighed making Kurt smile and hug him tight, drawing looks from everyone around them. 

“I’m going to do Mr. Cellophane from Chicago; you should do something from Cats or Chess. Or Les Misérables, your voice is a good tone for Empty Chairs at Empty Tables or Stars.  Yes, that one would be good,” Damian allowed Kurt to direct the conversation, mentally deciding on something else entirely. 


	3. Chapter 3

Classes went by quickly with only one icy incident that had Damian pinning the jock to a locker and having to be pulled off him. He spent the rest of the day in isolation but got away with a slap on the wrist, the principle too scared of the school losing funding from Damian’s parents to discipline their child. He used the time to finish his S panish essay, correct his new Winter designs and sulk. When the bell went and the supervisor let him go Damian was out the door fast down the hall and skid to a stop outside the auditorium where Kurt was waiting, arms folded and foot-tapping as Damian knew it would be. 

“Sorry, they only just let me out of isolation,” he explained.

“If you hadn’t gotten into that fight then you wouldn’t be in trouble,” he replied. Pulled open the door and marched inside. 

“Whatever Kurt,” Damian shot back. “Get ready, Mr.  Schuester’s here,” he nodded to the director's seat in the audience. Kurt swallowed but practiced his breathing before launching into his scales. Damian watched the others all perform their number. Mercedes Jones with R.E.S.P.C.T by Aretha Franklin. Tina Cohen-Chang with I kissed a girl by Katie Perry. Next up was Kurt who marched on and began his performance. Damian tried hard not to stare at his friend, Kurt became a different person when he performed. All the anxiety bled away from his body and he accepted the talent he had buried in his skin. When Kurt finished, he gave a bow and pranced back to Damian who opened his arms in preparation for the hug Kurt launched at him. 

“You did great! Well done,” he praised. Kurt flushed and laughed with him before pushing the other boy to the stage.

“Your turn,” Damian walked on stage. 

“Hey Damian, missed you in Spanish?” Mr.  Schuester commented. Damian scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment. 

“Yeah. I was in isolation,” The teacher fixed him with a disappointed look, making Damian squirm.

“What will you be performing?” 

“Gethsemane, from Jesus Christ Superstar,” Damian stood in front of the microphone and nodded to the pianist. 

**I only want to say**   
**If there is a way**   
**Take this cup away from me**   
**For I don't want to taste its poison**   
**Feel it burn me, I have changed**   
**I'm not as sure as when we started**   
**Then I was inspired**   
**Now, I'm sad and tired**   
**Listen** **surely,** **I've exceeded expectations, Tried for three years**   
**Seems like thirty**   
**Could u ask as much from any other man**

 **But if I die**   
**See the saga through and do the things you ask of me**   
**Let them hate me hit me hurt me**   
**Nail me to their tree**   
**I want to know I want to know my god**   
**I want to know I want to know my god**   
**I want to see I want to see my god**   
**I want to see I want to see my god**   
**Why I should die**   
**Would I be more noticed than I ever was before?**   
**Would the things I've said and done matter any more**   
**I'd have to know I'd have to know my lord**   
**I'd have to know I'd have to know my lord**   
**I'd have to see I'd have to see my lord**   
**I'd have to see I'd have to see my lord**   
**If I die what will be my reward**   
**If I die what will be my reward**   
**I have to know I have to know my lord**   
**Have to know I have to know my lord**

 **Why should I die**   
**Oh, why should I die**   
**Can you show me now that I would not be killed in vain?**   
**Show me just a little of your omnipresent brain**   
**Show me there's a reason for you wanting me to die**   
**Far too keen on where and how**   
**But not so hot on why**   
**Alright, I'll die**   
**Just watch me die**   
**see how I'll die**   
**Oh, just watch me die**

 **Then I was inspired**   
**Now I'm sad and tired**   
**After all, I’ve tried for three years**   
**Seemed like ninety**   
**Why then am I scared to finish what I started**   
**What you started, I didn't start it**   
**God, thy will is hard**   
**But you hold every card**   
**I will drink your cup of poison**   
**Nail me to your cross and break me bleed me beat me kill me**   
**Take now before I change my mind**

Damian breathed heavily after the last note, Mr.  Schuester looked wide-eyed at the boy seeing a different side to him he’d never considered. 

“That was amazing Damian, I’ll be in touch,” With that Damian left the stage and walked back to Kurt who was scrutinizing him. 

“What?” 

“Nothing, let’s go,” 

==============================================================

It was two days later that New Directions had their first rehearsal and it was a mitigated disaster. All Rachel Berry did was complain, try to dictate what they were supposed to do and how they should all listen to her because she’d been performing since she was a baby blah blah blah. Damian had a raging headache after ten  minutes of her ranting. 

“Mr.  Schuester , do you have any idea how ridiculous it is to give the lead solo in “Sit Down, You’re  Rockin ’ the Boat” to a boy in a wheelchair?”

“I think Mr. Schue is using irony to enhance the performance,”

“There is nothing ironic about show choir!” with that she ran out of the room. Damian sagged into a chair and breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Thank God! She’s gone,” he cried out. Mercedes laughed and  Kurt giggled. 

“Damian,” Will reprimanded. 

“What? I’m sorry Mr.  Schuester . But Rachel Berry has always been this obnoxious drama queen. She downright refused to perform if I was her male lead and then she complained about Artie being it instead. She’s entitled and bossy, for the entire time I’ve known her must be the one in the spotlight. We’re just meant to prop her up in her mind. Not performers in our own right, I’m warning you, this won’t be the only time she causes drama for this club,” He explained. Will sighed and went to find Rachel. 

“I’m not wrong. You guys might think we can’t win regionals without Rachel. If that’s the case, why are we here?” he lets the question lie in the air before scooping up his bag and leaving. 


	4. Chapter 4

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Damian muttered. He’d walked into the auditorium late for Glee club to see Finn ‘Frankenwein’ Hudson being...well stalked is the only word he can think of, by Rachel as they sing ‘You’re the one that I want’ from Grease. Rachel weaved her way through Kurt, Mercedes, and Tina before launching Artie across the stage. 

“Oh, hell to the no. Look, I’m not down with this background singing nonsense. I’m Beyonce. I ain’t no Kelly Rowland!” Mercedes interrupts the pair as Finn starts to look uncomfortable. 

“Okay, look, Mercedes, it’s just one song,” Will tries to placate the girl. 

“And it’s the first time we’ve been kind of good,” Kurt pipes up. Mercedes sighs but nods. 

“Okay, you’re good, white boy. I’ll give you that. But you better bring it. Let’s run it again” Damian steps forward onto the stage proper. 

“That wasn’t good. It sounded good, yeah, but visually I am deeply disturbed. Rachel, what the hell was that? You threw Artie across the stage and practically molested Hudson,” the girl huffs and glares at the boy. 

“It’s called performing. Maybe you’ve never heard of it,” Damian scoffed before dropping his bag and marching onto the stage. 

“Oh, I’ve heard of it all right. I also saw what happened here. You put on a real performance didn’t you Berry?” he narrowed his eyes at the girl who blushed, looking down to avoid everyone’s eyes. 

“All right let’s do it. From the top,” Mr. Schue interrupted before the two could get going. Damian decided to sit that rehearsal out, plopping down in the audience seats he pulled out his sketchbook.

Flipping to a recent design he began filling in the details.

Mr. Schue looked over and hmmed at the sketch.

“That’s good Damian, you into fashion?” he asked,

“Well, my mother is one of the biggest names in the fashion industry so I’ve always had an interest in it,” he replied, sharpening an edge in the dress.

“Can I ask you a favor?” the teacher lent close to the boy and whispered.

“Don’t tell the others but the Glee club funds aren’t exactly…manageable right now. New costumes, transport, and hotel rooms won’t always be available right now. After we win regionals things will get better but…could you take over the costume department for me? It really would be a load off,” he asked. Damian thought about it. It wasn’t like he would be going out of his way, and with him in charge of costumes the group might look respectable, it could also help show off some of his designs to the public.

“Sure, I’ll do it, Mr. Schue,”

“Thank you, you have no idea how grateful we all are for this Damian,”

“Don’t worry about it, just try and reign in Berry and we’ll call it even,”

At the end of the week, Damian found himself driving him, Kurt, Mercedes, and Tina to Carmel High School. Kurt and Mercedes had talked the entire way about their wardrobes, hairstyles, and the latest issue of Vogue. Which, for a boy who professes to not be gay was way too much girl talk.

“Okay, you two. Quit it, For the last hour I’ve heard more talk about pulling off the perfect bust to waistline look then I care to. Let’s change the topic,” he called, Kurt shot him a playful glare and slapped his shoulder.

“Don’t mind Damian, he gets cranky when he’s not had enough slut talk,” he teased.

“Hey! I enjoy an active and healthy sex life, as is my right and choice. Rubbing it in your face is just a bonus for me,” he winked at Mercedes in the rear-view mirror. The girl blushed but giggled madly with Tina for a few minutes.

“W-what do y-y-you guys think o-o-of V-v-vocal Adrenaline?” Tine asked. “Think they’ll be any better than us?”

“Well, considering there’s only six of us and the last rehearsal we had was Rachel Berry trying to molest Hudson and Carmel High boasts a winning streak of almost every regionals competition they’ve been in and are actually popular in their school I’d say they will be better than us,” Damian spoke, brutal and honest. Kurt slapped his arm again, this time seriously.

“Try and think positively Damian. Maybe it’s all just hype,”

“We’ll see,”

At the school, the small group stood in line for the concession stand to get snacks before entering the auditorium. Damian, standing at the back, saw Rachel and Finn talking, Mr. Schue and Miss Pillsbury sitting by a window, sharing a sandwich. His eyes then caught sight of a boy who was checking him out. He had light brown hair, blue eyes, and a cheeky smile. Damian raised an eyebrow, challenging the boy for daring to stare at him. The boy wanders over and stands in Damian’s personal space.

“Hey, Jessie St. James,” he introduced holding out his hand.

“Damian Lycan,” he allowed the handshake then smirked when Jessie brought it up to his lips, pressing a light kiss to his knuckles.

“Here to watch the show?”

“Maybe, I could also be here to stand in front of a concession stand to buy overpriced sour patches. You never know,” that made Jessie laugh, showing off straight white teeth and a flash of pink tongue.

“Well, if you change your mind, look for me on stage,” he then takes out a pen and scribbled his number onto Damian’s palm, which he still hadn’t let go off.

“Give me a call sometime,” Kurt chose that moment to turn around, catching sight of the boy walking away from his friend, and said friend staring after him with a familiar look of interest on his face.

“Oh no, no no no you don’t Damian Lycan!” he hissed. Crossing his arms, he stared at the other boy.

“What? He was just being friendly,”

“He’s also the male lead for Vocal Adrenaline so don’t go getting any ideas,” he warned. Damian huffed and glared at the boy.

“Kurt, you’re not my mother. If I want to flirt with someone I will, if I want him to fuck me I will, whether you like it or not,” with that the lights flickered, and Damian made his way into the auditorium Kurt trailing behind him.

New Directions wear seated together in the audience. Mr. Schue lent over to speak to everyone.

“Hey, guys, so this is supposed to be our competition, but, uh, I honestly don’t think that they’ve got the talent that we’ve got. But let’s be a good audience, all right? Give 'em some of that old McKinley High respect,”

“So…we boo when they finish then slushie them in the corridors,” Damian muttered.

“Please give a warm Buckeye State welcome to last year’s regional champions, Vocal Adrenaline!” came the announcer.

The curtains rise and music came fast. Rehab by Amy Winehouse had the group doing flips and spins. Damian caught sight of Jessie, he lifted the female lead and spun her around effortlessly. His shoulders bulged with the lift, thighs tight and back straight at an arrow. It had Damian feeling a little hot under the collar. Looking at his fellow Glee members he saw several pale and fearful faces.

“We’re d-d-doomed,” Tine voices everyone’s thoughts and Damian looked at the number on his hand and then back to Jessie. He had tonight’s entertainment that’s for sure.


End file.
